With Red Sox tickets being impossible to score for Father's Day CB and I along with LP and JP (meat and potatoes) decided to take our father's to a Paw Sox game in Rhode Island. This was easier said than done, it seemed everyone had the same idea as us, and even when we bought the tickets online over a month ago it was difficult to get 10 tickets close to each other, so we were broken up among three rows with some of us staggering in front and back of each other.
This was not the problem. The problem was, when we were placing our order online for the tickets the website failed to mention that our seats were located in the "Kids Party Zone." I nearly shot myself when I got there. For those of you who don't know me, I'm not good with kids, I'm even worse with parents. I used to say, "I hate kids" all the time, but I've come to realize that I don't hate kids, I hate parents. I feel children are a product of their environment and are little monkeys, mimicking the action of their parents, how is a child supposed to know right from wrong if the parents don't teach them, or even know themselves.
So there I sat, in the "Kids Party Zone" at little Tylers 10 year birthday party praying to God that I would just be struck dead because surely that would be the quickest way to stop the pain. It was at this point that I heard a nose behind me, what sounded like a heavy breathing of sorts, maybe a panting, but definitely not a normal sound. My younger sister was sitting to my left, I turned my head around looking at her, and then looked at the curly haired cherub behind me, left index finger planted firmly up her left nostril, blowing with all her might out of the right nostril, meanwhile, her mother sitting next to her, not a clue in the world that her daughter was trying to blow her friggin brains out of her right nostril, which just happened to be aimed at the back of my head. I looked at my sister, she looked at me, and it was at this moment that a honking green booger, fueled buy the propulsion of every ounce of air this girl could hurl through her right nostril flew between our faces, over the head of the boy in front of us and landed, three fucking rows in front of us. After our initial shock, my sister and I whipped our heads around looked at the mother and told her in no uncertain terms that if we got one more snot rocket aimed in our general direction there would be hell to pay. Seriously, this mother sat there, not a care in the world while her daughter huffed and puffed and blew her nose apart. Where was the conversation about blowing your nose into a tissue, or basically not sticking your whole God Damn hand in your nose. I failed to mention that the whole time she was blowing she was also kicking my seat, and tap dancing along the rim of my seat back, her mother saw this, she saw me sitting in the chair and never once told her daughter to stop until I said something. I don't dislike children, I dislike parents who don't parent. How was this child to know any better when her mother clearly didn't.
On a lighter note. I made this lovely cole slaw for our pre "kids party zone" cookout. It was a big hit. of course it was, it's from America's Test Kitchen where every recipe works.
Recipe:
1 medium head green cabbage cored and chopped fine
2 large carrots peeled and shredded on a box grated
salt
2/3 c buttermilk (I used light)
1/2 c mayonnaise (I used light)
1/4 c sour cream (I used light)
8 scallions chopped fine
2 tbls sugar
1 tsp Dijon mustard
1/4 tsp pepper
1. Toss shredded cabbage and carrots with one teaspoon salt in a colander and set over a medium bowl. Let stand until wilted, about 1 hour. Rinse cabbage with carrots under cold water, drain, dry well with paper towels, and transfer to large bowl.
2. Stir in remaining ingredients plus salt to taste. Refrigerate until chilled, about 15 minutes. Adjust seasoning and serve.
Rating = So God Damn Good
This was not the problem. The problem was, when we were placing our order online for the tickets the website failed to mention that our seats were located in the "Kids Party Zone." I nearly shot myself when I got there. For those of you who don't know me, I'm not good with kids, I'm even worse with parents. I used to say, "I hate kids" all the time, but I've come to realize that I don't hate kids, I hate parents. I feel children are a product of their environment and are little monkeys, mimicking the action of their parents, how is a child supposed to know right from wrong if the parents don't teach them, or even know themselves.
So there I sat, in the "Kids Party Zone" at little Tylers 10 year birthday party praying to God that I would just be struck dead because surely that would be the quickest way to stop the pain. It was at this point that I heard a nose behind me, what sounded like a heavy breathing of sorts, maybe a panting, but definitely not a normal sound. My younger sister was sitting to my left, I turned my head around looking at her, and then looked at the curly haired cherub behind me, left index finger planted firmly up her left nostril, blowing with all her might out of the right nostril, meanwhile, her mother sitting next to her, not a clue in the world that her daughter was trying to blow her friggin brains out of her right nostril, which just happened to be aimed at the back of my head. I looked at my sister, she looked at me, and it was at this moment that a honking green booger, fueled buy the propulsion of every ounce of air this girl could hurl through her right nostril flew between our faces, over the head of the boy in front of us and landed, three fucking rows in front of us. After our initial shock, my sister and I whipped our heads around looked at the mother and told her in no uncertain terms that if we got one more snot rocket aimed in our general direction there would be hell to pay. Seriously, this mother sat there, not a care in the world while her daughter huffed and puffed and blew her nose apart. Where was the conversation about blowing your nose into a tissue, or basically not sticking your whole God Damn hand in your nose. I failed to mention that the whole time she was blowing she was also kicking my seat, and tap dancing along the rim of my seat back, her mother saw this, she saw me sitting in the chair and never once told her daughter to stop until I said something. I don't dislike children, I dislike parents who don't parent. How was this child to know any better when her mother clearly didn't.
On a lighter note. I made this lovely cole slaw for our pre "kids party zone" cookout. It was a big hit. of course it was, it's from America's Test Kitchen where every recipe works.
Recipe:
1 medium head green cabbage cored and chopped fine
2 large carrots peeled and shredded on a box grated
salt
2/3 c buttermilk (I used light)
1/2 c mayonnaise (I used light)
1/4 c sour cream (I used light)
8 scallions chopped fine
2 tbls sugar
1 tsp Dijon mustard
1/4 tsp pepper
1. Toss shredded cabbage and carrots with one teaspoon salt in a colander and set over a medium bowl. Let stand until wilted, about 1 hour. Rinse cabbage with carrots under cold water, drain, dry well with paper towels, and transfer to large bowl.
2. Stir in remaining ingredients plus salt to taste. Refrigerate until chilled, about 15 minutes. Adjust seasoning and serve.
Rating = So God Damn Good
3 comments:
The first part of this post made me laugh with all the inititals for names
"where every recipe works" eh? Maybe I'll give it another try. On a lighter note, I do know you. And I would've spent $10 per ticket just to observe you at this game. Keep the good writing coming.
"snot rocket" I love it!
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