With 35 beating my door down I feel that more than any other birthday milestone, this one has caused the most obnoxious case of naval gazing I've ever undergone. This post, may, just may not make any sense as I'm pretty much just gonna shoot from the hip with what is going on in my almost 35 year old brain. Here goes:
I feel that, by this age, I really should have gotten my shit together, and when I say that, I literally mean "my shit" - like the way I feel about myself and what I've done with my time and life so far. Older readers of this blog may think, 35, that's still young, you've got time, etc, etc, but frankly, its the oldest I've ever been, and by now, I would have hoped that I could see my reflection in the mirror and say "that works".
I wear my past like a second skin, my reflection clouded by images of all the parts of me that I haven't liked, like dust, sure you can brush them off, but its a futile exercise, dust always finds its way back to the same exact spot.
Growing up we're always told that we should love ourselves. I don't think I love myself. If I do I've got a pretty disfunctional and f'ed up way of showing myself that I do, what, with the constant go, go, go, more, more, more, push push, harder, harder tempo of my life, like maybe if I move fast enough, the dust won't have a chance to settle and I won't have to face it.
This year, for this birthday I just want an honest image in the mirror, and I want to honestly say to my twin looking back at me. "That'll Do". And mean it. This will take some work and I'm scared to pull on that thread in case the whole thing unravels around me, but I owe it to the person that I should be, and I owe it to the man that has so graciously asked to share this life with me. So, here goes….
Seems awkward to transition into a recipe now, right, but I've never been one for gracious segues, so moving right along, here is a really awesome dish from Mario Batali…dig in.
PS. I served this over pan seared organic polenta with garlic roasted asparagus on the side. For wine we served it with an awesome california cabernet.
Due to copyright and all that crap I'm just including the link the recipe:
Please let me know if you make it and what you think of the recipe.
Rating = Damn Good
Also, comments on the above rant are welcome as well.
1 comment:
Don't be so hard on yourself. From my perspective you do have your act together. You have a career you like, you're working hard, you're creating a professional life. You're married to someone you actively like and love, which is very difficult to do. Your past will always be with you, as is mine. It's always surprising when the odd bit pops up in memory and one flinches and wonders what the hell was I thinking. With time, one learns to shrug it off and repeat, that was then, this is now. Try to enjoy the 30's. Being well past the decade I try to tell people that they're really good years. It's a time when you're over the angst of youth and your body hasn't started betraying you yet. Happy Birthday!
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