Therapy, Crying in Public, Angry Shavasna | Skinny Creamy Spinach Dip

I don't cry much, at all in fact, most of my friends can probably count the number of times they have seen me cry on one finger, or less. I think Chris and I were together for four years before he saw me shed a tear. I don't know why I am so averse to crying, but it probably has something to do with growing up with a Nana who who belittled crying, stating every time that I cried "that only babies cried, and I was no longer a baby, therefore crying was not acceptable." There was a lot of "I'll give you something to cry about" statements when the threat of tears showed on my face. I guess it made an impression...


One of my main fears of therapy is that in one of the sessions I will cry. I am petrified of this. Crying when you are alone in your car is one thing, but crying in front of someone else, someone who themselves is not crying scares the shit out of me. Handicapping vulernablility is the only way that I can describe it. In today's New York times there was a great opinion blog post about crying in public, titled Look at Me, I'm Crying. I absolutely love this blog post, it makes me think that at some point, I'll be able to cry without personal stigma. Read it, its a great post, especially when she comparing crying in public to tripping and falling in public.  Great.


I went back to therapy this week, it was an okay session, most of it was setting up my background information with questions like "have I ever been hospitalized for a mental illness, suicide attempt, etc, has anyone in my family had mental issues, what do I think my strengths and weaknesses are, etc." Apparently when insurance pays for your therapy they do a thorough background check on you first.


I was given two assignments this week. Each day I need to perform a Progressive Muscle Relaxation series, (there are literally tons of videos on this on YouTube if you are interested) at least once, preferably two times a day. And I also need to keep an anxiety/stress journal. Each morning, afternoon and night I need to write down what my anxiety/stress level is on a scale of 0 to 10 with 10 being the best score (like the Olympics). I asked if I needed to write down what was altering my stress levels and was told that that would come later, we aren't at that point yet (well, phew, because I am not ready to face the things that alter my stress levels just yet, thank you very much). 


I go back to the doctor next Friday, I'll be interested to see what my anxiety/stress journal shows, and also to see if I can get a handle on how to do this progressive muscle relaxation thing the right way.


Okay, now onto the recipe.


I love spinach dip. Creamy spinach dip, but let's be honest its strappy dress season and no one needs to be knocked in the face with my arm waddle, so here is a low fat version that I got from Gina's Skinny Recipes. The recipe as it is is 2 weight watchers points (the old points) for 1/4 of a cup. Here is a link to her blog, and also her recipe below.

Servings: 8 • Serving Size: 1/4 cup • Old Points: 2 pts • Points+: 2 pts
Calories: 79.4 • Fat: 6.2 g • Carb: 3.3 g • Fiber: 0.9 g • Protein: 3.2 g

• 10 oz frozen chopped spinach, thawed and excess liquid squeezed out
• 1/2 cup light sour cream
• 5 tbsp light mayonnaise
• 1/3 cup Parmigiano Reggiano
• 1/4 cup scallion, chopped
• fresh pepper to taste

Combine all the ingredients in a medium bowl. Can be made one day in advance and stored in the refrigerator. Remove from refrigerator 30 minutes before serving. Makes about 2 cups. 


Now, I have to be honest, I left out the raw garlic because it does a number on my stomach, and with the IBS I don't need to go pissing of my insides anymore than I already have. When I tried the recipe as is, I thought that it had way too much mayonnaise in it, so I added another 1/4 cup of sour cream, this helped, but I still thought it was a little bland so I added some seasoning that I had. That helped, but I still have to be honest, I still think that 5 tbsp of may is too much, I think you can get away with increasing the sour cream and reducing the mayo to 3 tbsp. I'm not sure what that will do to the points value, but it can't alter it too much. I'm bringing the dip to a friends house tonight with a fresh veggie platter, I'll see what the crowd thinks tonight, maybe they won't have any issues with it.


Rating = Good

Shit, I almost forgot the angry shavasna part. On Wednesday I went to my community yoga class that I just love love love, and I haven't been able to go in almost a month due to traveling. It was an awesome, ass kickingly hard class and at the end I was just spent, and was so glad that I could just lie back and enjoy my shavasna with my lavendar eye pillow and the soft music. Just as I was settling into it, the bitch in front of me...her f'ing cell phone starts ringing. Are you serious, you brought your cell phone into class with you. You are an asshole. I just spent an hour and a half trying to find inner peace and now all I can think of doing is donkey punching you because you are a terrible, horrible, person. Thanks.