Amish Friendship Bread JB Style (White Chocolate, Cranberry, Grand Marnier Amish Friendship Bread)

I had a friend at work give me an Amish Friendship Bread starter a little while ago. I was so excited, I'd never received a starter before. I fed it and mushed it and made it my own. Here is what I did.


But, first, before I get to the recipe, I have a question. Why do some men put all of their baseball caps in the back window of their cars? I can't tell you how many times I have driven down the street behind a car with a back window completely bedazzled with baseball caps, at least ten or so...all lined up...getting completely subleached in the back of the car. What is the thought process behind this? When I buy a hat, I buy it so I can wear it, not throw it in the back of my car? Does anyone have a father, brother, uncle who does this? Please explain.


Day 1: Receive starter
Day 2-5: Mush the bag
Day 6: Add 1 cup each, four, sugar, milk. (I added 1/3 cup of each because I didn't want four starters from this bag - I only wanted one to keep going)
Day 7-9: Mush the bag
Day 10: MAKE BREAD! Add 1 cup flour, 1 cup sugar and 1 cup milk. Stir. Take out 3 cups and place 1 cup each into three separate plastic containers. Give one cup and a copy of this recipe to three friends. (I didn't want to make 3 starters, I only wanted 1, so I added 1/3 cup of everything which yielded 1 cup starter and 1 cup of batter for bread making.) To the balance (a little over one cup) of the batter, add the following ingredients and mix well.


ORIGINAL RECIPE
1 cup oil
1/2 cup milk
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla


In a separate bowl combine the following dry ingredients and mix well:


2 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1-1/2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 - (5.1 oz) box instant vanilla pudding
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup nuts


(I wanted to give you the original recipe in case you wanted it, but this is how I made it.)


CRANBERRY WHITE CHOCOLATE GRAND MARNIER 
3/4 cup oil
1/4 cup milk
1/4 cup Grand Marnier
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla


In a separate bowl combine the following dry ingredients and mix well:


2 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1-1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup frozen whole cranberries
1/2 cup white chocolate chips
grated zest of one orange.


Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients. Mix and pour into two well greased and sugared bread pans. Bake at 325 degrees for 1 hour.

Rating = So Damn Good

Rosemary No Knead Crust Bread

Remember this post Here? Well. When you add about 1/8 cup of chopped fresh rosemary to the flour before you add the yeast, salt and water it makes the bread even better. So awesome, and while it is baking it will fill your house with the delicious aroma of fresh bread and rosemary together. Take this bread, cut it into little slices, then top it with a creamy brie and a sundried tomato packed in oil and you've got yourself a crowd pleasing appetizer....so freaking good.


On a side note Hallie and I went to see the 3D Imax showing of A Christmas Carol. So good, the effects were amazing, the story true to the original (enough) and just a fantastic way to spend an hour and a half. And, if you go to the IMAX in Reading, all the seats in the theatre are Temperpedic seats, and oh so very comfortable. The only thing I didn't like about this version of the story was the Ghost of Christmas Past, honestly the voice freaked me out a little, like a person who might hang around a school or a bus stop a little too much, get my drift.


So, what's your favorite Christmas movie or show?
And, he slackers, where are my alcohol laced dessert recipes?

Rosemary Focaccia (my first ever)

I've always wanted to make focaccia, but never had the time, and frankly I was a little intimidated by the idea of making this wonderful bread at home. I don't know why, it was relatively easy - most of the time involved in making the bread is completely inactive, just waiting for the bread to rise, and the active time in making the bread was pretty simple.

The one bad thing about this bread is that it is so good and tasty, that CB and I downed a whole bottle of Valpolicella wine while we ripped chunks of bread from the loaf and ate them. I mean, really, what is more comforting than warm homemade bread and delicious soft red wine? Not much.

I got this recipe from a book that I bought recently called the Vegetarian Bible. Its a good book, and has a few real good recipes in it like this one.

Rosemary Focaccia

Ingredients | Makes 1 loaf

4 1/2 cups strong white bread flour, plus extra for dusting (I used all purpose flour)

1 1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp active dry yeast

2 tbsp chopped fresh rosemary, plus sprigs for garnish

6 tbsp extra virgin olive oil, plus more for dusting

1 1/4 cups lukewarm water

1 tsp coarse sea salt

1. Sift the flour and salt together into a bowl and stir in the yeast and rosemary. Make a well in the center, and pour in 4 tbsp of the olive oil, and mix quickly with a wooden spoon. Gradually stir in the lukewarm water but do not over mix. Turn out onto a lightly floured counter and knead for 2 minutes. The dough will be quite wet; do not add more flour.

2. Brush a bowl with oil. Shape the dough into a bowl, put it into the bowl, and put the bowl into a plastic bag or cover with a damp dish towel. Let rise in a warm place for 2 hours, until dough has doubled in volume.

3. Brush a cookie sheet with oil. Turn out the dough onto a lightly floured counter and punch down with your first, then knead for 1 minute. Put the dough on to the prepared cookie sheet and press out into an even layer. Put the cookie sheet into a plastic bag or cover with a damp dish towel. Let rise in a warm place for 1 hour.

4. Preheat the oven to 475F. Whisk the remaining oil with a little water in a bowl. Dip your fingers into the oil mixture and press them into the dough to make dimples all over the loaf. Sprinkle with the sea salt, drizzle with the remaining olive oil and sprinkle the loaf with the remaining rosemary.

5. Lower the oven temperature to 425F and bake the focaccia for 20 minutes, until golden brown. Transfer to a wire rack to cool slightly, then serve while still warm. Alternatively, let the loaf cool completely and reheat in a low oven before serving.

Rating - Damn Good

Guinness Banana Chocolate Chunk Bread | Oh Mama!

Sunday I saw a woman walking her dog. Sunday I saw a woman walking her dog with the leash in her right hand. Sunday I saw a woman walking her dog with the leash in her right hand and a bag of dog poo in her left hand. Sunday I saw a woman walking her dog with the leash in her right hand and a bag of dog poo in her left, she got an itch on her cheek. Sunday I saw a woman walking her dog with the leash in her right hand and a bag of dog poo in her left, she got an itch on her cheek, she scratched the itch with the LEFT HAND. Why would you bring a bag of poo up to your face and rub it across your cheek as you scratched your itch, why not use your right hand.

Onto something that doesn't reek of a bag of hot steamy dog shit. The bread. How good does this sound. Guinness, bananas, chocolate. I ask you people, what. is. not. to. like. I adapted it from this recipe on a website called Banana Bread Biz. I made minor changes, I used equal parts applesauce for the margarine and I used an egg replacer for the egg, I also opted to not use the nuts, but replaced them with coarsely chopped dark chocolate.

This bread was sweet, savory, dense as all hell, and just got better as it aged. Try it, please.

Rating = So God Damn Good

Guinness Molasses Bread

This bread is just too good and too easy to make. There are 5 ingredients people, and it tastes so good...

I can't wait to try it toasted with a little butter...I think that will just be the shit.

This bread is dense, tasty, a little sweet and then a little hint of the Guinness - fabulous. It was perfect for St.Patrick's Day dinner and it only took about an hour from pantry to pie hole. You just can't beat that. Well, maybe, if you were on some Irish country farm and you'd just sheered a sheep, made a sweater out of it, then made this bread and enjoyed it while sitting outside on your stone ledge in your new sweater, watching a rainbow arch across your fields of green, maybe then that would beat it.

I got this recipe from Elsie over at Simply Recipes. Here is a link to her post.
Please note that I did not have self rising flour so I used her trick with the baking powder and salt and it worked just fine. I also used whole wheat flour for added fiber and nutrients.

Rating = So God Damn Good

Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies | WW 1 pt

Making your goal weight sucks a little because you feel in limbo, you get a few more points per day, and then you find yourself getting a little heavy handed with the Old Fashion Kentucky Egg Nog at Thanksgiving...and...wham...those extra points are gone because now...we'll you've put a few back on. Thank goodness I had a buffer and even though I put a few back on I was still under goal. How will I ever get through the holidays...me loves me some egg nog, and Bailey's, and Holiday inspired lattes. Oh crap. December is going to be done in fits and starts I can tell, especially because I've got a hankering for bourbon cake and I'll probably end up making that this weekend. And yes, I have a whole weekend at home...to cook and bake and do whatever the-f I want. Sweet. I've got best laid plans to try and make a few casseroles....we'll see how that goes, but I'm going to make that Bourbon cake...hopefully, we'll see.

Does anyone have any liquor laden holiday recipes that I can try...bourbon cake, rum cake, whatever... I just enjoy drinking and eating my alcohol at this time of year, and if you had my in-laws you wouldn't judge you would just give me the damn recipes.

For a nice chocolatey low fat treat, try some of these little babies. So Good.

Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies | WW 1 pt
1 cup(s) all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/8 tsp table salt
1/4 cup(s) butter, softened
1/2 cup(s) dark brown sugar, packed
1/2 cup(s) sugar, granulated
1/3 cup(s) unsweetened cocoa
2 large egg white(s) (I used EnerG Egg Replacer)
1 spray(s) cooking spray
6 tbsp semi-sweet chocolate chips, miniature

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Lightly spoon flour into a dry measuring cup; level with a knife. Combine flour, baking soda and salt in a large bowl.
Beat butter and brown sugar with a mixer at medium speed until light and fluffy; gradually add granulated sugar, beating well. Add cocoa and egg whites, beating well. Gradually add flour mixture, beating until blended. Stir in chocolate minichips.

Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls 11⁄2 inches apart onto baking sheets coated with cooking spray. Bake at 350°F for 10 minutes. Cool on pans 2 minutes or until firm. Remove cookies from pans; cool completely on wire racks. Yield: 40 cookies (serving size: 1 cookie).

Note: This does make exactly 40 cookies so try to make them all the same size to ensure you have the right amount and can account for all the points.

Rating = Damn Good

Goal...and Pumpkin Biscotti

Not, sure how, but I managed to get 1.5 full pounds below goal while traveling. Maybe it was stress, because I've most definitely been stressed, or maybe its been the fact that I haven't had access to my nightly hot cocoa, whipped cream and biscotti. Maybe.

So, now I'm officially maintaining. So, yeah, I get three more points per day. I know exactly how I'm going to spend them this week....SPIKED EGGNOG! Yes, Sir-E Bub. I can't wait.

Anyway...just got back in the office from being on the road...and I got a new computer while I was away, so lots of things to manage. Will post the recipe later.

Ok. Here's the recipe. I made another batch last night to bring to my mother in laws for Thanksgiving. Think of it as my personal olive branch.

Pumpkin Biscotti | 1 WW pt

1 1/2 c all purpose flour

1 cup whole wheat flour

1 c sugar

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp nutmeg

1/8 tsp ginger

1/8 tsp clove

EnerG Egg Replacer for two eggs (or you can use two egg whites)

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 canned pumpkin

1 tsp vanilla

Preheat oven to 350.

Sift together the flours, sugar, baking powder, salt, and spices.

Whisk the eggs, pumpkin and vanilla together. Pour into the flour mixture.

Flour surface and hands and knead dough, this will take a while, it will be crumbly at first, but it will all come together with a little elbow grease.

Form the dough into two equal size balls, and then form each ball into a log about 12 inches long and 2-3 inches wide. This way you get 12 biscotti for each log and you can easily portion the WW points, it's one per biscotti when you make 24.

Bake the biscotti at 350 degrees for 22-30 minutes (I did 27 minutes). Remove from oven and let cool for 10 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 300 degrees. When slightly cool cut each log on an angle into 12 pieces. Place the biscotti cut side down on the baking dish and bake for an additional 10 minutes, after 10 minutes, flip biscotti and bake on the other side for 10 minutes. 

The biscotti still may be a little chewy after this, but if allowed to sit overnight, should harden and be perfect for dipping into cocoa, coffee or hot cider.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Vegan Cinnamon Chocolate Chip Biscotti | WW 1 pt

Ugh, I was traveling again last week and ate from a salad bar 4 out of six meals, so as much as I would have liked to have been cooking and baking, I was conferencing and trying my hardest to be healthy while "on the road".

When I got home I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had lost a few more pounds, yep; and then yesterday I ate eggplant parm (full fat), chocolate ganache cake (totally full fat) and a slew of other not so weight watcher friendly things. So, when I weighed myself on Saturday and Sunday morning, I was a full two pounds lighter than when I weighed myself today, for my actual weekly weigh-in that I have to record on the WW website. So, grand total from last week is that I'm still down a half a pound from last week and 9.5 pounds total, but had I not been such a little piggy yesterday I think the scale would have been a bit lighter. Was the cake and the eggplant parm worth the heavier number on the scale? Not at all, lesson learned.

I did however have time to make one little vegan low fat biscotti recipe yesterday morning. Each little tasty treat is only 1 point and I find that I really enjoy dunking them in a mug of sugar free hot cocoa at night after dinner. I again got this recipe from the Fat Free Vegan Blog I mentioned in my previous post. Check it out.

1 1/2 tbsp Energy Egg Replacer
6 tbsp water
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
3/4 tsp baking soda
2 cup(s) all-purpose flour
3 tbsp mini chocolate chips
3/4 cup(s) sugar

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.Put the egg replacer and water into a blender and whirl for a few seconds, just to mix.

Mix this mixture with the other ingredients. Dough should be sticky but not runny. Turn out onto a floured surface and shape into 2 logs about 3 inches wide. Flatten the logs to about 1 inch high. Place on a lightly oiled or non-stick cookie sheet and bake for 30 minutes.

Allow to cool for 10 minutes and then cut into 1/2 - 3/4 inch slices. Place cut side down on cookie sheet and bake for 10 more minutes. Repeat on other side for another 10 minutes. When done, the biscottI may seem soft, but they will harden as they dry.

Rating - So Damn Good

Vegan Gingerbread Biscotti | WW 1pt

First, sorry the picture is so blurry, I took this literally as I was running out the door and almost missed my train this morning...

Second, finally I had some free time to do some WW baking, this actually didn't come from WW it came from a vegan blog that I've had good luck with for low fat baking ideas, Fat Free Vegan Kitchen. Here is a link to her recipe for Fat Free, Gluten Free Gingerbread Biscotti and HOT DAMN these were good. The recipe makes 24 and each is 1 point, so having a few at night with a sugar free hot cocoa is totally doable on the WW plan. AWESOME.CB had a few last night and if I hadn't raved about how they were "only one fucking point each can you believe it?" he never would have know they were vegan and low fat.

Third, yes, I'm psyched as all hell that the Red Sox came back and won the game last night. What I am not happy about is that it will force me to sit through another broadcast on TBS where ever damn commercial break is a Viagra commercial with that horrible terrible song...VIIIIIVVVVVVAAAAA VIIIIAAAGGGGRRRRAA, Viva Viagra, every time that commercial comes on I want to throw a shoe at the tv. And now, I'll need to be assaulted with that stupid commercial again on Saturday night. Humph.

Anyway - go to the website link above for the recipe and check out a few of her other ones too.

Rating = Damn Good (So Damn Good when dunked in hot chocolate)

Vegan Banana Mango Ginger Sunflower Seed Bread

I made this ages ago, took a picture, loaded it to Flickr and then just forgot to blog it. So, it's not weight watchers, it is low fat, not counting points kind of low fat, but still, you can eat it and not feel terribly guilty about it, just stop at one piece.

My first day on weight watchers wasn't terrible. I can see how it would be difficult to know the point value of a lot of food that I would typically bake or cook, so it will just be best for me to stick to ww inspired recipes until I get the hang of things. I still don't quite understand the activity points that you can earn through exercise, considering I'm sure most people just starting the program aren't banging out 8 mile runs like I did today. That run would pretty much translate into 8 extra points, I think, which seems a little counterproductive to me, right now. So, we'll see how it goes, I'm just doing it on line, I'm not going to meetings, I'm sure those are more effective, but with my schedule it's just not an option.

Here we go...

Low Fat Banana, Ginger, Mango Sunflower Seed Bread 

Inspired by Veganomicon

2 large or 3 small very ripe bananas

1/4 C applesauce

1/4 C canola oil

1/2 C sugar

2 tbsp molasses

2 C all purpose flour

3/4 tsp b. soda

1 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp ground nutmeg

1/2 tsp salt

1/8 C chopped dried mango

1/8 C chopped crystallized ginger

1/4 C toasted sunflower seeds

Preheat oven to 350F. Lightly grease a 9x5 inch loaf pan.

In a large mixing bowl, mash bananas, add sugar, applesauce, oil and molasses, whisk briskly to incorporate. 

Sift the flour, baking soda, spices and salt. Mix until the wet and dry ingredients are just combined. Fold in the mango, ginger and sunflower seeds. 

Transfer to the pan and bake for 45 to 50 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack.

Rating - Damn Good

Vegan Birthday Cake

Friday was my dad's birthday and it seems to be my new thang to make birthday cakes for every one's special day. My older sister's birthday is in June and as she was eating this cake she said, "so, what kind of cake am I going to get for my birthday."

I actually like this new tradition because I've never been seen as the baker/chef in the family and now the tide is beginning to turn in that direction and I think it's great. Yes, this cake is vegan, and yes it's delicious. It's the same cake recipe that I used for the bundt cake a few weeks back, but I got the frosting recipe from the blog Fat Free Vegan under a post titled German Chocolate Birthday Cake. Super simple to make and super delicious.

Now, I'm definitely not vegan and I'm definitely not vegetarian, but I have stopped eating all land based animals and I am making a conscious choice to avoid eggs and dairy where possible. This is still most definitely a journey that I'm just beginning, but I'm enjoying all the different possibilities that the vegetarian and vegan culinary world has to offer. CB will never be vegetarian, but he has adopted the ideal that you should never eat meat (beef, chicken, etc.) unless you know where it came from and that it was treated humanely, as humanely as any animal born and bred for human consumption can possibly be treated. That being said he doesn't eat meat unless we buy it from a local farm and we haven't had the chance to go to the farm in a long long time, so it's been tofu and tempeh entrees for him for a while. Saturday we had the chance to go to the farm, it was going to be a full day so we packed our travel cooler, loaded with ice packs into the car and headed to the farm so he could stock up on meat for a few weeks.

Among his meat purchases was sliced turkey breast for sandwiches, seriously, pounds of it. The reason I mention this is because as we were traveling on the highway back from the farm, a car in front of us hit a wild turkey that was trying to cross the road. All the cars, including ours (CB behind the wheel) swerved manaically around the severely injured turkey so that we wouldn't hit it. Herein lies my great observation and question, why did my husband driving a car, containing a cooler packed with dead turkey meat, break and swerve as to not hit the injured turkey in the road.

All the cars went out of their way to not hit the injured turkey. All these cars containing people who, I'm sure devour turkey on Thanksgiving Day, swerved left and right to avoid killing it. And me, the one who doesn't eat turkey said to my husband, "you should have just run over it and put it out of it's misery." I couldn't stand to see it suffer, rotating around on one leg, its banged and broken wings unable to take flight. It just seemed wrong to me, and backed up my thought that if you wouldn't be able to kill it, you shouldn't eat it.

Vegan German Chocolate Frosting
1 cup plain soymilk
1/3 cup coconut milk (may use lite coconut milk)
1 1/4 cups sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/3 cup cornstarch mixed with
1/4 cup water until smooth
2 1/2 cups sweetened flaked coconut
1 1/2 cups chopped pecans

In a medium saucepan, mix the soymilk, coconut milk, sugar, and vanilla together. Add the cornstarch mixture and cook over medium-high heat, stirring constantly, until mixture boils and thickens. Cook for one minute after it boils. Remove from heat and stir in coconut and pecans.Allow to cool for about 10 minutes (mixture should still be warm) before spreading on cake.

Makes enough for one 2-layer 8-inch cake.

Rating = Damn Good

Vegan Orange Chocolate Chip Scones

So, these are by far the best vegan scones I have made to date. I know that they came from the Vegan With A Vengeance cookbook, but I found it online so I don't mind posting it, although I'm temped to not post it just so all you lurkers will leave me comments instead of just taking the recipes and leaving and not even giving me a "how do you do". I was so pleased that so many of you took the time to comment and ask for the last recipe so don't be a stranger, leave a comment when you visit.

It was a crappy overcast day up in VT on Saturday, but CB realizing it would probably be his last day to ski decided to go to the mountain anyway for a half day of skiing. The tickets were reduced price due to the deluge of rain that came on Friday and the crappy ski conditions so he just figured it was worth it to try and get in one more day of skiing before we took the ski rack off the car and prepared for the "wet" season up in VT.

I dropped him off at the mountain at 9:00 and picked him up at 1:00, he said the skiing was good, but he was a little lonely, not too many skiers took advantage of the reduced lift ticket, except for one guy who we now call Mr. Carrot. Chris was seated on the chair lift next to a man, who didn't want to make small talk, because he was busy rifling through the myriad of pockets on his ski jacket. He looked in the side pocket, front pocket, air vent zippers and finally found what he was looking for, a big, long orange carrot wrapped in saran wrap and placed in his inside pocket. CB had never seen a carrot wielding skier on the lift before, and found it odd that of all the snacks that skiers may want, like say, a power bar for energy, this man methodically washed, peeled and wrapped up a carrot and placed it in his inside pocket before he left for the mountain. He didn't say anything he just chopped on his carrot the whole way up the mountain. CB's only thought was, "isn't that carrot cold."

To each his own I suppose.

Try these scones. They are really good and you won't miss any of the animal products that usually go into scones.

3 cups all-purpose flour

2 Tbsp baking powder (that's a lot...but that's what it says)

1/4 cup sugar (plus an extra tsp for sprinkling on top)

1/4 tsp salt

1/3 cup vegetable oil

1/2 cup soy cream (rice or soy milk is an ok replacement, but the cream really works better)

3/4 rice or soy milk plus 2 tsp apple cider vinegar

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. In a large mixing bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, sugar, and salt. Add the oil, soy cream, and milk with vinegar. Mix until just combined; the dough should be clumpy and not sticky. Even if there is still a light dusting of flour, that's okay. Drop by 1/4 cupfuls onto the greased cookie sheet and pat the tops just a little bit to round them out; sprinkle with a bit of sugar. Bake 12-15 minutes until slightly browned on the bottom and firm on the top. Berry Scones: Fold in 1 1/2 cups fresh berries.

Orange Chocolate Chip Scones: Add 1 tsp of vanilla extract to the liquid ingredients, add another 2 Tbsp sugar, fold in 1 cup of chocolate chips. Add the zest of one orange.

Maple Walnut: Add 2 tsp of maple extract to the liquid ingredients, add 2 Tbsp of sugar, fold in 1 1/2 cups of walnuts.

Rating = So Damn Good

Vegan Lemon Blueberry Scones

So, yesterday I had a panel discussion at the unGodly hour of 7:00 in the frigging morning. Why the hell in the name of all that is good and holy would you schedule your panel discussion 7 hours past midnight? I don't get it, why not 8:00, really, 8:00 is a very nice time to start your discussion. Anyway, this discussion started with a continental type breakfast networking thing before hand; you know bagels, pastries, fruit and teeny tiny little plates, and no tables, so if you want to eat, you are forced to stand with plate in hand, while you juggle your coffee in the other hand and now you don't have an extra hand jetting out of your chest with which to eat with so you just basically don't eat. Awesome people thanks for planning your discussion at 7:00 in the morning and making it completely impossible to eat a breakfast before hand.

I bring this up because at the end of the discussion at 9:00 I could have dropped dead from hunger, so I went to the breakfast buffet and picked up a piece of breakfast bread, I think it was lemon, that had been pre cut into half slices, so it was not a whole slice, it was a half a slice, and I was starving. As I placed the half slice on my napkin a man, whom I have never met in my life walked up beside me and asked "how many calories do you think are in there?" Are you fucking kidding me? If it were the summer and I was wearing slip on flats I may have just taken my free hand, (the one not holding the mega calorie laden half slice) slipped of my flat and hit him the the face with the dirty sole of my shoe. At what point did it become PC for a man to come up to a women he has never met and discuss her caloric intake? Are you socially fucking retarded asshole?

My point is, I'm a small person. I'm not fat, I'm not thin, I'm what I refer to as "sporty", athletic if you will. But I guarantee you if I was overweight or obese this fuckface would not have felt that he could speak to me about the amount of calories that I was about to put into my face. Why is is ok for people to comment on what an average weight person eats, especially when they wouldn't feel comfortable saying the same thing to an overweight person? I'm lost here. When did it become socially acceptable to make comments to a woman who is at a healthy weight about her weight, or why is it ok for someone to tell another person that they are too skinny, but telling someone that they are too fat is taboo. I just don't get it. Why the double standard?

So what was my response to this question? I looked right at him and said "I don't give a shit how many calories are in it, I'm hungry." and then shoved it in my face.

So, can you say RANT? Sorry folks, just rubbed me the wrong way.

These scones were my own recipe that I made up. They were good, not the best, but definitely good, tasty and obviously low fat.

Vegan Blueberry Lemon Scones

2 C flour

3/4 C oats

1/4 C brown sugar

1/4 C white sugar

1/2 tsp baking soda

2 tsp baking powder

salt

2 tbs lemon juice plus zest of one lemon

1/2 C soy milk

1 C frozen blueberries

3/4 tsp nutmeg

1 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 400.

Combine dry ingredients. Combine wet ingredients. Add wet to dry, mix until incorporated. Fold in blueberries. Drop onto greased cookie sheet (or slipat). Bake 25 minutes or until toothpick comes clean.

Rating = Damn Good

Chocolate Chip, Dark Cherry Cookies

Ah, tis the holiday season when your in-laws will no doubt bug the shit out of you, push all your buttons and make you swear that next, year you are going far. far. away for the Holiday Season.
First, without getting to far into it just let me say that CB's father hasn't worked a day since 1986. He inherited a family business when he was young, and in 1986 sold the business and has not worked a day since, for 20 years. He has been savvy enough to make investments and live off of the profits from those investments. We should all be so lucky. Don't get me wrong, that's great, I think most people would like to live that way, more power to him. Now, let me clarify that CB and I work our asses off to afford the things we have. We have not been offered nor would we accept money from his family. CB works two jobs, he's a residential architect at a design firm and also teaches architecture at a local university. My job is rarely 8-5 and includes multiple late night events it also involves copious amounts of travel, mostly over weekends, never usually falling in the normal work week time. I'm not complaining. I like earning my own way. I love the fact that CB and I owe not one person for the things we have. We've earned it, together.

Another piece of this puzzle is CB's father's girlfriend, surprise surprise, she doesn't work either. She has also been lucky enough to make smart investments that pay dividends that she lives off day to day. My problem is not in the fact that neither of them work, I think most people would love to have the wherewithal to make smart investment decisions that allowed us to live a life not rules by going to work. My problem is this; both of them have enough money to live comfortably without working. This year they decided that they would downplay spending at Christmas and only spend $20 on each other. Great, bravo, you really don't need anything, so don't just buy for the sake of buying.

After they make this decision (the $20 decision) his father turns around and gives us a few ideas for things that we can buy them for Christmas. His father, asked us for a toaster oven, no big deal right? No, he asked for a specific toaster oven that he saw online, to the tune of $100 fucking dollars. He then asks us to get his girlfriend a wooden salad bowl and wooden serving utensils, which generally cost about $50.00. Ok, so let me get this straight. Neither of you work, and yet you're only going to spend $20.00 on each other, but you want us, who work our asses off, to buy your $100 fucking dollar toaster. No. You're not getting the toaster. You're getting a book. Reading is fundamental.

That was my rant for today. Sorry if you were looking for shiny happy people holding hands. Ain't gonna happen today.

However.

These cookies should brighten your day. I adapted a recipe from the Baking Illustrated cookbook from, yep, you guessed it. America's Test Kitchen.

Recipe
2 cups plus 2 tbsp unbleached all purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
12 tbsp (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, melted and then cooled until warm
1 cup packed light of dark brown sugar
NOTE: I used 1/2 light and 1/2 dark
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg plus one egg yolk
NOTE: I used a vegan substitute which was 2 tbsp water, 1 tbsp oil and 1 tsp cornstarch
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips
1/2 c chopped dried cherries (optional - not in original ATK recipe)

1.Adjust the oven racks to the upper and lower middle positions and heat the oven to 325 degrees. Line two large baking sheets with parchment paper or spray them with nonstick cooking spray.

2. Whisk flour, baking soda and salt together in a medium size bowl, set aside.

3. Either by hand or with an electric mixer, mix the butter and sugars until thoroughly blended. Beat in the egg, yolk (or substitute) and vanilla until combined. Add the dry ingredients and beat at low speed just until combined. Stir in the chips to taste.

4. Roll a scant 1/4 cup of the dough into a ball. Hold the dough ball with the fingertips of of both hands and pull into two equal halves. Rotate the halves 90 degrees and, with jagged surfaces facing up, join the halves together at their base. again forming a single ball and being careful not to smooth the dough's uneven surface. Place the formed dough balls on the prepared baking sheets, jagged surface up, spacing them 2 1/2 inches apart.

5. Bake until the are light golden brown and the outer edges start to harden yet the centers are still soft and puffy, 15 to 18 minutes, rotating the baking sheets front to back and top to bottom halfway through the baking time. Cool cookies on the sheet, then remove with metal spatula. Enjoy.

Rating = Damn Good

Pumpkin Pecan Pie | ATK

This pie was hell to make, not because the recipe was complicated or advanced, but was simply due to the fact that I had shit for brains and butter fingers the day I attempted to make this recipe. I ended up going to the market, four, count em' four times that day because I kept forgetting ingredients, and one of the times I had to go to the market was because while I was in the midst of combining ingredients for the pumpkin filling, I went to the refrigerator to grab the eggs, and proceeded to drop half a dozen eggs on the kitchen floor, half on the cork tile, half on the carpet. Trying to pick up the eggs was like trying to pick up gobs and gobs of snots, which kept spreading all over the kitchen floor - not fun to clean, especially when you realize, that you need to go back to the store AGAIN, because now you have no eggs, while in the middle of making the pie and baking the pie shell. SHIT.

I just had a bad kitchen day - nothing worked, as my Nana would say, I was so stupid that day couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel. If there is a silver lining to this pie making catastrophe it's that the pie, well, it was good as hell, and worth the effort.

Pumpkin Praline Pie
1 (9-inch) pie shell, chilled in pie plate for 30 minutes

Pumpkin Filling
1 (15-ounce) can plain pumpkin puree
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp allspice
pinch cloves
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup evaporated milk
3 large eggs
2 tsp vanilla extract

Praline Topping
1 cup pecans, chopped fine
1/2 cup packed dark brown sugar
pinch salt
2 tsp dark corn syrup
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsp granulated sugar

1. FOR THE PIE: Adjust oven rack to the middle position and heat oven to 350 degrees. Line pie shell with foil, cover with 2 cups pie weights (pennies or dried beans are fine too), and bake until dough under foil dries out, 20 to 25 minutes. Remove foil and weights, poke crust several times with a fork, and continue to bake until firmly set and lightly browned, 10 to 15 minutes. Remove pie shell from oven (keep oven on) and set aside. (Shell can be cooled, wrapped tightly in plastic and stored at room temperature for 1 day.

2. FOR THE FILLING: Puree the pumpkin, brown sugar, spices and salt in a food processor until smooth, about 1 minute. Cook mixture in large saucepan over medium high heat until sputtering and thickened, about 4 minutes, and remove from heat. Meanwhile, put pie shell back in oven to warm.

3. Whisk evaporated milk into pumpkin mixture, then whisk in eggs and vanilla. Pour filling into warmed pie shell and bake until filling is puffed and cracked around the edges and center barely jiggles when pie is shaken, about 35 minutes.

4. FOR THE TOPPING: While pie is baking, toss pecans, brown sugar, and salt in bowl. Add corn syrup and vanilla, using fingers to ensure that ingredients are well blended.

5. Scatter topping evenly over puffed filling and sprinkle with granulated sugar. Bake until pecans are fragrant and topping is bubbling around the edges, about 10 minutes. Cool pie completely on wire rack, at least 2 hours. (Pie can be refrigerated up to 2 days) Serve pie at room temperature.

Rating = So God Damn Good.

ALSO - the day after Thanksgiving I was reading my latest Women's Health magazine and there was an article titled Season's Eatings which talked about how to make healthier food choices during the holiday glut, and one tip was to have Pecan Topped Pumpkin Pudding instead of Pecan Pie so go figure, I was being all healthy and whatnot with this pie choice. (Somehow I don't believe that).

I was also in the car a lot this weekend, so I listened to the radio a lot and inevitably every radio dj talked about the holiday food bonanza that is the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and one dj mentioned a statistic that seemed so startling to me. He said that the average American puts on 9, (NINE) pounds between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I just could not believe it, it seemed too outrageous. Does this statistic seem plausible to everyone? I was shocked, just shocked, as I feed myself another slice of pumpkin pecan pie.

Chocolate Chip Mint Biscotti

Ok. So, yesterday I did something completely out of the ordinary, I went to see a psychic. My mom had gone to see this woman about six months ago, and was completely taken with her. Looking at my mother and never seeing her before, she told her how many children she had, the gender of her children, and the stages of life each child was in, she also went on to talk about very personal things with my mother that this woman could not have known, in a word my mother believed her.

I'm not facing any big decisions in my life right now that I think need to be answered, but I was curious about this woman, and what she would see in me. So yesterday my mother and I took the trip to go an see her. I didn't know what to expect, so when she asked me why I was there and what questions I wanted answered I didn't have one. She then asked me what the most important thing in my life was, and my instantaneous response is my marriage, that's the most important thing to me. She then said, ok, we'll start with your marriage, "do you have any questions about it," and the only thing I could think of was that I just wanted to check to see that the marriage my husband and I have in the future is as happy and amazing as the marriage we have today. So we started from there, she laid out the cards, and began to read, telling me that my marriage is solid, that there is so much love and respect there, a love and respect that can't and won't be changed, she mentioned that we will never be deceptive or lie to one another. She then began to say things about my marriage that she just couldn't have known, like we own a house in the country in another state (VT) and that we like to take weekend trips to this house just so we can be alone and together, she mentioned that we just celebrated our third anniversary, and that we went on a trip and the thing that grabbed me was she said, you bought a house together before you got married. What? How would this woman know this?

She mentioned that CB and I are planning another trip, but this time it's going to be on the water; in fact, CB and I just started planning a cruise to Alaska, I just picked up the cruise booklet on Friday. What?

I was there an hour, and for an hour she talked about things that she just shouldn't have known, I've never met this woman before, and she's never seen me, and it was very cool and weird at the same time. There was nothing bad, no precautions, no dire warnings, when I left she said, "you and your husband, it's like you're the same person, he's your soul mate." Which I thought was pretty cool.

Have any of you ever been to a psychic? I'd love to hear your stories.

Oh - and CB he loves him some cookies. I used a recipe that I found on another blogger's website called Sarah's Kitchen and modified it a bit.

1 1/4 cup All-purpose flour
1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
1/3 cup Sugar
1/8 c chopped fresh mint leaves
3/4 tsp Baking powder
1 tbsp Water
1 tsp Vanilla extract
1 Egg
1 Egg white
Vegetable cooking spray

Combine first 4 ingredients in a large bowl. Combine water and next 3 ingredients; add to flour mixture, stirring until well-blended (dough will be dry.) Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface, and knead lightly 7 or 8 times. Shape dough into a 16 inch long roll. Place roll on a baking sheet coated with cooking spray, and flatten roll to 1 inch thickness.

Bake at 350F for 25 minutes. Remove roll from baking sheet to wire rack, and let cool 10 minutes. Cut roll diagonally into 24 (1/2 inch) slices, and place, cut sides down, on baking sheet. Reduce oven temp. to 325F, and bake 10 more minutes. Turn cookies over and bake an additional 10 minutes (cookies will be slightly soft in center but will harden as they cool.) Remove from baking sheet; let cool completely on wire rack.

Rating = So Damn Good

Pumpkin Scones with Pecans and Dark Cholocate Chips

This is another recipe that lasted mere nano seconds in my house. The pecans offered a great crunch and the dark chocolate melted all ooey gooey when I cut the scones in half and toasted in the toaster oven, such a great breakfast when served with cottage cheese or applesauce on the side. I did make these before I went away to Mexico, and at that point said F-IT. I'm eating good in the neighborhood; bikini be damned. I altered this recipe from this one on the Joy of Baking website, so it was a bit healthier than the original.

Pumpkin Scones with Toasted Pecans and Dark Chocolate
2 cups all purpose flour
1/3 cup light sugar
1/2 teaspoons ground ginger
1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup cold unsalted butter, cut into pieces
1/4 c applesauce
1/4 cup dark chocolate pieces (I used 65% cacao)
1/4 cup toasted and chopped pecans
1/3 - 1/2 cup vanilla soy milk
1/2 cup fresh or canned pure pumpkin (if using canned pumpkin make sure there are no spices or sugar added)
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C) and place rack in middle of oven. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, spices, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Cut the butter into small pieces and blend into the flour mixture with a pastry blender or two knives. The mixture should look like coarse crumbs. Stir in the raisins and pecans, if using. In a separate bowl mix together the buttermilk, pumpkin puree and vanilla and then add the buttermilk mixture to the flour mixture. Mix just until the dough comes together. Do not overmix the dough.

Transfer to a lightly floured surface and knead dough gently four or five times and then pat the dough into a circle that is about 7 inches (18 cm) round and about 11/2 inches (3.75 cm) thick. Cut this circle in half, then cut each half into 3 pie-shaped wedges (triangles). Place the scones on the baking sheet. Brush the tops of the scones with the egg wash and sprinkle a little Turbinado sugar on top, if desired. (I didn't)

Place the baking sheet inside another baking sheet to prevent the bottoms of the scones from over browning. Bake for about 20 minutes or until golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.

Makes 8 scones.

Rating = So Gad Damn Good (when toasty warm)

Simply Pumpkin Biscotti

First. I'm working on about 4 hours sleep here because my Red Sox clinched a World Series berth last night (or actually early this morning) and I live in the Fenway, as in the neighborhood named such because Fenway Park is right down the street. After the win, the 34,000 plus fans in the stadium poured out onto the streets, turning the neighborhood into an all out block party. Don't you just love October? Don't you just love baseball in October?

Don't you just love naps, I'm going to need serious cat naps until after the World Series is over, I blame this on Fox Sports, whom it seems can't push first pitch back far enough, the games used to start at 8:00, as in first pitch at 8:00, now coverage at the ball park starts at 8:00 and first pitch happens somewhere around 8:35 or so, causing every game to stretch into the early morning hours, I hate you Fox TV and your stupid Chevrolet commercials, if I hear this is our country one more god damn time I'm going to lose my shit, really - get some new commercials because these are painfully, ear piercingly over played...this is our country ugh.

Anyway - with the games not starting until after 8:00 I seem to be finding more time in the kitchen at night, (considering I'm usually watching the game an hour earlier at 7:00) - so it affords me the opportunity to make even more ass expanding treats, oh joy. No really these are good, and not too fattening. Again, the recipe is from Elise at Simply Recipes and like most of her recipes it was easy and delicious.

Here is the link to her recipe.

Rating = So Damn Good

Gingerbread Scones

These lasted about 2.5 minutes in my house the day I made them. We just continued to eat them until they were all gone. Did I mention I need to get into a bikini next month for vacation? It's not going to be a pretty sight. Maybe I can buy one of those wraps that people wear around their waists when they go to the beach, but I'll just buy a really big one and hike it up to my neck so it covers my whole body. That should do the trick. Did I mention that this vacation is also all-inclusive, or as I like to call it, Bring on the moo moo, Jules is heading back to the buffet again, why yes, I'll have another frozen drink, I'm sure there are no calories in that, why don't my pants button food plan. It's gonna get ugly. Real ugly. I should be all set for fat pants by Thanksgiving, just put some ropes on my ankles and wrists and put me in the Macy's day parade. Anyway, the recipe is adapted from this Joy of Baking recipe.

1 3/4 cups (245 grams) all purpose flour
3/4 cup (60 grams) old fashioned rolled oats
1/3 cup (72 grams) light brown sugar
2 teaspoons ground ginger
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 cup (113 grams) cold unsalted butter, cut into pieces (I used 1/4C butter and 1/4C applesauce)
Zest of 1 lemon (optional)
1/3 cup (35 grams) dried cranberries or cherries (optional)
1/2 cup (120 ml) buttermilk (I used soymilk)
2 1/2 tablespoons unsulphured molasses
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract


Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C) and place rack in middle of oven. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, oats, sugar, spices, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Cut the butter into small pieces and blend into the flour mixture with a pastry blender or two knives. The mixture should look like coarse crumbs. Stir in the lemon zest and dried cranberries, if using. In a separate bowl mix together the buttermilk, molasses and vanilla and then add the buttermilk mixture to the flour mixture. Mix just until the dough comes together. Do not overmix the dough.

Transfer to a lightly floured surface and knead dough gently four or five times and then pat the dough into a circle that is about 7 inches (18 cm) round and about 11/2 inches (3.75 cm) thick. Cut this circle in half, then cut each half into 3 pie-shaped wedges (triangles). Place the scones on the baking sheet.

Place the baking sheet inside another baking sheet to prevent the bottoms of the scones from over browning. Bake for about 20 minutes or until golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.

Rating = So Damn Good